Sometimes it will feel like all the world has let you down.
Sometimes you will see hypocrisy in every soul you meet.
Sometimes the difference between right and wrong collide and the tangled knot of sorting through it will leave you sweaty and worn out, and up against a wall.
Sometimes the only emotion you will be able to identify in your heart will be the ferocity of anger.
And when that time arrives, I want you to close your eyes and breathe deep, think deep, seek deep, and reach deep within the endless well of yourself and find the time before this troubled moment.
Deep within you resides the core feeling of safety and trust from the time when you were held by loving arms, rocked gently in the middle of the night and sung to, when your mother bent over you and inhaled the very scent of you and exhaled her unconditional love over you.
Deep within you resides the core memory of truth from the time when you first knew truth – the memory of a mother who insisted on truth, who still does, and who led you by example – a mother who said “I’m sorry” as often as “I forgive you”.
Deep within you resides a core self knowledge – and inside the anger, inside the burn of injustice, you will find something different called “fear” and “shame”. Reach deep and find it, pull it out and examine it. Hold it up to the light and see what it is – when you know what you fear or what brings shame, your core knowledge allows the anger to subside. When that happens, you can face or dismiss that fear/shame taking up space and in it’s place will grow strength of character, peace, and true joy that supercedes simple happiness.
Sometimes the unfolding of your life before you is not what you planned, or ever even imagined. Sometimes the shock of it can knock you flat. It can leave you buried under fear and shame, confused, lost, sometimes with the taste of regret and loss thick in your mouth. Sometimes life can make it seem that moving forward with a cold Grinch-like spirit is safest, surest … if you let yourself be consumed by what happens.
Deep, my son, deep… You were born of deep love, grew under a heart bright with wishes and dreams and joy. You were shaped by gentle hands, pure pride and delight, encouragement, and always always love.
Breathe deep, think deep, seek deep, reach deep and find yourself still there, strong enough to dig as deep as you must until the things you dig up give you something to stand on.
I’ll help you dig if ever you need it.